An Open Letter to Tits

Tits,

I have had enough. Enough of you staring me down with those beady little eyes, trying to gain control of my mind for your own sinister purposes. It is time to stand up to your reign of terror and deceit and I will take that excalibur from the stone of truth and strike you from your perch on the chest of oppression. Too long you have compromised the truth and clouded the world with your nectar of lies. Tits and tit owners alike, you can not continue to fly under the radar because I have the coordinates to a better tomorrow and they will be printed onto the skies of valhalla for all to see.

Thank You, and God bless.

Swazz Perkins
swazzperkins@ihatetits.com

What are you hiding from?

For any skeptics out there that are still under the influence of the vile opiate that is breasts and the breasted, all I ask is that you look at the facts. The truth will guide the way and shine a light on further truths that will set us free. Free from lies. Free to see the truth. To fight these lies I have assembled a dossier of truths, the beginnings of which I will now share. I believe the following will speak for itself, please use it to begin to chip away at the breastography of filth that has cluttered your reactive mind.

Fact: Tits are not mentioned in the declaration of independence.
Fact: Tits come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Shapeshifting is a common trait among the most powerful vampires and satanists, among other evil doers.
Fact: No other body part is a routinely artificially augmented as breasts. Nostradamus predicted that "cyborgification" such as this was a sign that the end of days was looming.
Fact: Although there has never been a tit owner anointed as the President, the whitehouse compound has pronounced tit-like features. These were not common traits in the architecture of the times and therefore this cannot be chalked up to coincidence.
Fact: Tits are the only body part which can be considered clothed by covering a roughly 3% partition of the entire organ. What motive could they have aside from having something to hide?
Fact: Most people associate tits with food and even wish to use their mouth on them them much like they treat food, though tits typically have no natural taste.
Fact: Anthropologists believe the shape of tit cleavage developed in order to emulate the buttocks. Buttocks are where feces, or 'shit,' comes from. 'Bullshit' is a common term for falsehood. Coincidence?!!

A Challenge to all Tit-Owners

Since the earliest beginnings of my crusade I have often been told that I could not possibly hate tits, that I simply somehow been soured on them and that this condition could be reversed. Of course, my research dispels this foolish accusation, though there are still those who challenge me. And so, in defense I too issue a challenge to all of you, to try and prove me wrong. If you feel there is a pair of tits that is free of deception and evil, simply send me a rendering via electronic mail and I will go so far as to train mine eyes upon them unsheathed. Should you prove me wrong I shall be the first to admit it, though if thine venomous breasts show their true colors I will expose them to the masses so that my followers may be prepared to escape their medusa-like stare in the event that they encounter said tits in the flesh.

Unsolved Tit-steries?

There are two of them for every one of us, and therefore simple mathematics proves that the only way we truly stand a chance is to work together against the common villain. If you have collected evidence, formulated theories or even chronicled your personal experiences of the industrial tit complex, share them with us so that we as a whole may grow stronger and each day edge closer to our goal.